Confessions

Pregnancy does weird things to you. I've started doing all sorts of things I never thought I'd do. Like tracking my weight. Seriously, I have a scale now. And I get excited when I gain a pound, because it means Tiny's closer to coming out. 

So here's a short list of pregnancy confessions. Some don't necessarily have to do with pregnancy. Even if for all of them, I have used the "but I'm pregnant" excuse. It's just so easy to use. Even if it makes me a horrible person.

1. I've been drinking coffee. Some of you just now are all, caffeine is bad for babies! Tiny-KILLER! But really (this may surprise some of you), I haven't really been drinking much coffee for over a year And when I found out I was pregnant, I just quit altogether. Except for when we went to Ethiopia and I drank it anyway, figuring Tiny could deal. 

Then I started getting second-trimester headaches, which makes sense, because there's a history of migraines in my family (thanks, Dadman). So I told my doctor, and his advice?

Drink some coffee every day.

Seriously. Apparently, doctors for a while warned pregnant ladies off caffeine, because they weren't sure what effect caffeine would have on babies. Now they admit that they simply still don't know what caffeine does to babies, so a cup or so of coffee is allowed. HA.

And turns out coffee actually scares headaches away. It widens the capillaries in your brain, allowing more bloodflow and releasing tension. And here I had always thought that coffee just kept away headaches resulting from coffee addictions.

2. This next confession is actually embarrassing for someone who's been drinking their coffee black since age 16. I've been putting cream in my coffee. Heavy cream, that is. My stomach's just been that much more sensitive. I'm just trying to avoid ulcers. Please don't judge.

3. This caffeine thing has made me feel apologetic for all those times pregnant ladies would come into the coffee shop when I was working, order coffee, and I would give them the eye and ask if they wanted it decaf. I deliberately tried to make them feel bad for giving that to their babies. Now the shoe is on the other foot. That happened to me just last week. Man, did I blush.

4. I've especially been drinking eggnog lattes from Starbucks. I know, I dislike Starbucks as much as the next coffee snob. However. They're the only coffee shop around that's started selling their Christmas drinks already. (Oh, to live near a Caribou.) 

5. I have a major thing for Christmas drinks. This, too, from the kid who typically only drinks strong, black coffee. I think it's because a) I adore Christmas, just like all happy and pleasant people, and b) I love eggnog.

6. I've been listening to Christmas music. Already. For several weeks now, actually. See #5 on how I adore Christmas. It's rather an obsession. I start looking forward to Christmas in like, August. The best thing about July is that it's month 7 out of 12 -- officially more than halfway to Christmas. Growing up, my parents always made Christmas a special season, but our neighbors... well, I grew up in Ethiopia. Ethiopians don't really celebrate Christmas. And we could never have a Christmas tree, because the Ethiopians wouldn't understand -- they would think we had an idol or something. Not really the image missionaries want to send. Thus the Christmas obsession. 

But I've always been really good about holding off on anything Christmas until AFTER THANKSGIVING. One holiday at a time, right?

Here's the catch:

Tiny is due two days before Christmas.

There's no way I'm skipping Christmas just because I'm having a baby.

But I'm still worried that Christmas might be a bit overshadowed this year. So I'm just trying to get a head start.

And I only have one more confession. Mostly because I can't think of any more. Also because this post is already loooonger than I thought it would be, and nobody wants to spend that much of their day reading this crap.

7. I lied in Lamaze class the other day.

Some of you might have noticed my facebook status the other day, about embarrassing myself in Lamaze class. See, during introductions, we were supposed to each say what we were most excited about our baby being born. I said that I can't wait to have a beer, which is gospel truth. 

Then the father in the next couple said he that he couldn't wait to teach his son to pray, which made me look all sorts of bad. 

Not that he was trying to, or anything. At least, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. Then he mentioned how his son wouldn't get away with anything because he's a pastor. At which the Lamaze instructor (who was hilarious) made a joke about how pastors' kids are usually the worst. I was about to pipe up: I was a pastor's kid! I'm okay! 

Then I remembered the beer comment and just kept my mouth shut.

But that story doesn't have anything to do with the lie. 

See, as much as I'm looking forward to a beer, that's not really what I'm most excited about.

DUH.

I mean, I get to meet Tiny soon. This little person who's been growing inside of me for months and months. I can't wait to learn all about this person, to find out if Tiny's a boy or a girly, to discover Tiny's personality and sense of humor. I can't wait to teach Tiny how to read. I can't wait to teach Tiny Latin.

I can't wait for Tiny to teach me how to be a mother.

But most of all, I'm excited to watch Eric become a dad. 

I've gotten to feel every kick, every motion of Tiny's so far. I've been reading all sorts of maternity and push-em-out books, and mommy blogs, and advice. Dads get the short stick in pregnancy, really. They get to watch their pregnant wives get fat; they have to put up with all sorts of hormones; and they don't get to experience the wonder of having a person inside of them. Of course, they don't have to push it out, either. But still.

I can't wait to share Tiny with Eric. 

I want him to be the first person to hold our baby. 

Eric is my favorite person in the world. I love knowing him, every thing about him. 

And I can't wait to get to know him as a dad.