35 Weeks and 36 Weeks and Some Healthy Sarcasm

I skipped week 35. This is week 36. 

Which explains why I didn't post last week. We're getting down to the wire here. On Friday, I'll be full term, which is both awesome and terrifying. Allow me to explain, since until pregnancy happened to me, I thought the pregnancy timetable was incredibly confusing. She's how many weeks? How many months is that? What does that mean? Pregnancy is 40 weeks. However, because of the way due dates are calculated, once a woman hits 37 weeks, she's full term, meaning the baby can technically be born at any time.

And though I'm not at the impatient, get-this-thing-out-of-me point yet, there are certain things (curtains! insurance! figuring out that car seat!) that should really be checked off the list before I go into labor. Some more than others. So I've been running around, trying to get the last things accomplished, and we're almost there, people. Tiny's room is actually looking like a nursery, instead of an awkward, ugly closet. As in, pictures coming soon. 

It also seems like it's getting harder for other people to talk to me about anything else. And as excited as I am, and as ready as I am to talk about Tiny and babies and giving birth, there are people with whom aspects of the "I'm pushing this out" conversation is rather awkward. As in, most people. (And I don't usually have that much of a filter, as anybody who translated Latin poetry with me in college knows.)

Which is awkward, because since we're getting closer, people seem to think they need to talk about my belly constantly, even if we've already been over everything conversation-worthy that's not off-limits. Which has resulted in a lot of repeat conversations.

So let's get the obvious off the table and dealt with (again), shall we? Here are the most frequent comments I get:

"So when's the due date, again?!"

Um. Two days before Christmas. You have asked me this weekly since you learned I was pregnant four months ago. And every time I tell you, you remark on how memorable that date is.

"Still don't know if it's a boy or a girl, hmm?"

We've been over this. Also weekly. And don't tell me that I should be able to tell if it's a boy because it kicks a lot, or that you had a dream it was one or the other. My dream involved me giving birth to a kitten, remember?

"So, what's the baby up to?"

Gestating. Just like the last few months. I really can't tell you any more than that.

"I guess we might have to shove you in the ladies room if things start happening!"

Hello, the average first labor is like, sixteen hours. I think we'll have time to make it to the hospital. In fact, we will be sitting around for hours before we go to the hospital.

"Are you making sure to _______?"

(Popular options: drink lots of water, go on walks, practice breathing, decorate the nursery.)

Yes. I mean, no. I mean, I want to make my life as complicated as possible, right? I've been pregnant for almost nine months now. I think that by now, I've got my daily fluid intake down.

"So you're all ready, huh?"

Well, yes and no. Yes, we're nearly prepared. But how, exactly, does one fully prepare for a new person to enter your life? How can one be "ready" to suddenly be thrust into the world of parenthood? Do you really want to have this conversation with me in this sort of informal, chit-chat conversation, where all you'll inevitably say is "it's a wonderful journey" and I'll stand there, nodding and smiling awkwardly, without anything to contribute?

"I'll bet you can't wait to get that thing out of you!"

Well, that will be nice. But actually, I'm enjoying my sleep while I still can. And I love having my husband to myself, so I'm savoring it for as long as I can. And I'd like Tiny to cook till completion, actually. No doughy babies for me, please. But people who aren't pregnant don't seem to have much of a sense of the pregnancy timetable, so their impatience somehow becomes my impatience.

And my personal favorite:
"Still pregnant, huh?"


Uhhh.... can I get a second opinion?

But let's face it. I'm the one who's pregnant, not these other people. They're just loving, well-wishing friends. And with the size of my abdomen right now, it's admittedly understandable why people have a hard time thinking about anything else when they're talking to me. At least they're still talking to me, right? In just a few weeks, all the attention will shift to Tiny. Probably permanently.

Thank God.